In the midst of all the chaos, it can be tough to connect with your kiddo.
But connecting is so important – it helps build a foundation of trust and communication that will help them through anything life throws their way.
Watch this video for some tips on how to connect with your kid while I interview Kristina Lucia, the author of the new book series about Bella growing up and going through transitions through childhood.
Kristina Lucia is an artist, creator, and author who ignites the imaginations of children and their parents through her limited edition animals and touching storybooks. Her humble beginnings in a small farm town (there was only one traffic light!) sparked her creativity at a young age and her adopted home of New York City keeps her inspired daily. Curiously Curated Creations of Kristina Lucia features a magical array of warm, cuddly and comforting creatures along with storybooks that help parents and kids improve their communication and deepen their relationships.
Find Kristina here:
https://www.facebook.com/KristinaLucia21583
https://www.instagram.com/ccc_of_kristina_lucia/
https://www.linkedin.com/company/65627080/admin/
Lacy Reason
Hi, mamas. I’m Lacy, your lactation counselor. And today you’re listening to the early motherhood guide podcast, where motherhood is simply supported. Today, I have the opportunity to talk with Kristina Lucia, why don’t you introduce yourself.
Kristina
Thank you for having me. I am Kristina Lucia, I am the author of the balance sheet book series. The first book is coming out this spring, there will be a total of five this year. And that’s just the first of the whole 15 of this series and the focus of my books. The toys I create the illustrations I draw, it’s all about communication. The focus is being our true selves, and being heard and hearing others. And my calling to this mission has been my own personal journey, and seeing how different my life is when I’m able to identify not only my feelings, but the feelings of the other person and talk to them calmly. And as an aunt and as a godmother. I’ve witnessed this with my own relationship with the kiddos in my life. And I’ve also seen it with my own my own sister who is a mom, she’s a mom of a toddler. And just acknowledging even though I feel like I’m a good kid person, like every time around my nephew, and you know, your mom, like there’s always something new. And there’s something that I do with my sister is I say, Oh, just like because he’s doing the hand motion this more. And as Oh, does this mean more, just those simple things of acknowledging my sister as a mother, acknowledging that my sister is the one that is there day in and day out, living and breathing this life. And that respect, and that communication has actually brought us closer and brought us deeper. And to me, writing these books is a way that I can gently come into your home and provide a resource and also provide a resource in a way where you could adapt it. Now, like I said, I’m also a godmother, and my friend, is an amazing mom, too. But every mom is different, every kid is different. And my main mission is to create these stories and activities that are activities and beyond, which are on the back of each book, again, is designed for you to apply it to you and your family. Because communication is unique to each of us. It’s always evolving. What works today may not work tomorrow, and to create that space where we’re able to adjust is really amazing. Yeah, that’s so true. I’m wondering about your saying that communication is so important between a parent and a child. So why do you think that’s important? And how do you think we can implement that into our daily lives? I believe it’s important, because it’s about hearing, hearing each other and understanding where you really are. I personally had a dysfunctional relationship was my own mom, even though it was built on a tremendous amount of love. And I see, when I think of my child’s self, I see the gaps. And also as I grew older, I went through puberty and things started pivoting. I saw how we had moments of communication that we lost. And unfortunately, I lost my mom before we could work on those things. However, I also realized too, because of the disagreements because of the frustrations of not being heard, it led me to my healing path. And when I’ve seen it with my own family, with friends and people I work with, when we’re able to say, Oh, this is why I’m feeling this, like I’m like I was telling you before I’ll give the perfect example. I’m in the midst of launching my book series and you know, working on getting those Advanced Reviews and I was feeling anxious. I took a step back. I was like okay, you’re feeling anxious. What can you do? And so, you know, I wrote to my strategist, Melanie and I said, this is what I’m feeling. Is there anything else I can do like that guideline and I realized the kids it’s different because they’re still learning their communication patterns. They’re still learning. Their feelings love us. They’re still learning what to do and say And when implementing it on a daily basis, like one thing, and actually, I have a gift for your audience, like one thing I really believe in strongly is coloring. Because as an adult, and as a child, it has the same health effects in the sense of it calms us, it releases our emotions, it allows us to talk calmly, it also gives us ways to be creative. And at any age, where I live our lives, if we’re five years old, 35 euros, 35 years old, 85 years old, we all have an inner child and a critical parent. And that’s the thing with kids kids are still developing, they’re not necessarily in a space where they can go mommy, my inner child, that that, that that that, you know, we need to give them that space. So with an activity like coloring, or I’ve heard from other parents times, it’s taking a walk around the block, it’s that opportunity to create a space where you and your child feel safe. And they’re able to communicate, and they’re able to feel acknowledged. And that’s actually something that I do in my books where I lose the character main character, Bella, who actually I have here with me, he likes to come on, say hello, she will say to her parents, you know, I’m, I’m feeling I cannot even say I’m feeling because she’s, she’s a child in the book, she has a child character. But I can’t do this, why. And the parent will relate to them as an adult, meaning as an adult, I get scared as an adult IV to ask for help and about that relatability. So when it comes to applying it on a daily basis, finding something that works for you and your child, where it’s a space where you can both be calm, and both hear each other. And the other thing I realized too, for myself, and I’ve heard this from other adults too, is allowing the child to initiate allowing them to feel safe and allowing them and every child is different. You know, I had a moment that I could share where my it was my friend’s son, and he’s adorable, and I love him. But he did something they were visiting me at my work and we were in the back garden in Midtown. And he did something and I think was a big deal. And I saw my friend react frustrated in my ears, which you don’t know what happened at bedtime. You know, what happens at breakfast is that’s the other thing too, I think for people that are are involved, but are not involved in the day to day is having that patience with your with your mom, friends, your daddy friends, because we don’t, you know, I mean, you don’t know what happened to you know, an hour before, you know something. You’re like, oh, what’s the big deal? The kid threw a piece of paper like, but no, maybe this is like a constant thing. And it’s something that parent is trying to break, you know, or maybe, you know, even though my sister and my other girlfriends told me things like, again, I’m not there with them constantly. Like I don’t. I’m not living and breathing this life. And there’s something too about respecting people where they are. But I’ll never forget that moment of seeing him and my okay, my friend, like, what’s the big deal? And that my inner voice which now know what you need to respect her? She’s, she knows what’s best for her child? And you don’t know. You just don’t know what’s what happens. So but yeah, it’s a it’s definitely an evolution. It’s definitely an evolution and an awareness that we each need to develop in our own way in our own time.
Lacy Reason
Yeah, for sure. And I love having it something as simple as you know, sitting down and coloring, because even or reading the books, right? Because even as adults, like we weren’t necessarily taught with those communications with our kid either by example, you were like you were saying, you may be when you’re a kid, some of us have had, Hey, I see that you’re feeling and validating that feeling and working through it together. But most of us have not, you know, and so your automatic reaction is not to be like, Wow, you seem really angry right now. You know, like understanding like, yeah, I could see that would be frustrating. That’s not an automatic. And that has to be learned from both the parent and the child. And having something as simple as like that connection time. If you’re sitting and coloring in it. I think in our mind, we have this idea as parents, to have that sit down connection time, it has to be perfect. I have to have the things all the things prepared, having those moments, right. And a lot of times those moments just don’t happen. And so if it’s something as easy as reading this book that can help learn about communication, or having them having a simple coloring book that will be so simple. So with coloring, I absolutely love that it’s something that’s so Simple and something that you can easily implement, right? It could be just hey, after naptime, we’re going to reconnect, right and just sit down and read a book, or color. And you can, like, learn so much from that if there’s like a dialogue, right? Already that you’re learning from in a book. And hearing you talk about like your mom, and how that it must be such a healing for you, I can’t imagine how that would feel, you know, not being able to have the opportunity to reconnect with her and work those things out. Like, how is that? And is, is these are these books? Is that an inspiration for you from that? Is that chilling for you?
Kristina
It is. When I, when I started my pivot it actually I, my pivot started in two different places like my career pivot, started in 2018. When I injured myself and I knew on that table, I’ll be back on the dance floor. And I was I was back on the dance floor in less than four months. And I even went in to the studio on the day of my surgery, say hello to my coach. And she asked me who I kicked. And I said, Oh, my instructor. And she laughed because she’s known this guy for like years and years and years are really good friends is how I became friends at her. And that that was like my career pivot. But what really started my healing pivot is my mom and I had a really, really bad fight. When so fast forward to 2019 because I was already in this pivot. So I got laid off at least I had certain things set up and I was still not ready to say I’m an entrepreneur. And I kid you not, it was I didn’t know at the time. But it was two weeks before my mom’s passing maybe a month before that I declared myself an entrepreneur. And then I found out she was ill I started was my grandma, because that’s why I’m a Bucha. I’m named after my grandma, Lucy, I got this urge after I got off the phone with my father and sister to file for my LLC. And the day she died. I held a piece of mail on my hand. And it was the letter saying that my LLC was approved. And I knew it was my grandma mom, and I knew they were saying we need you to do this. And yesterday when I was like feeling anxious, like you know, and again, like as an as a woman, like my healing journey, that was one of the first things my therapist said is how are you feeling? I could not answer that question. I had no idea. I was like, What do you mean? How am I feeling? I’m, I’m feeling okay, just like that’s not a feeling? Are you sad? Are you anxious, and I actually keep a PDF of my feelings list on my Mac. So I can access it easily when I’m writing or even when I’m struggling with myself. And again, it’s a skill as a grown woman, I’m still learning how to do this, you know. So I do see it as a huge sign. And that she drew me to this because originally, it was just the stuff characters that I created, you know, the, I didn’t have my blogs at that point. You know, I just started launching my own podcasts like I didn’t have that, you know, and I realized, like, buy that sense of faith. And knowing that mom and grandma and my great grandma, were saying, we need you to do this, we need you to pursue this. And so I it definitely is cathartic. And I also realize too, that my mom was doing the best of what she had, you know, she was dealing with her own demons. And as again, this is this is a healing process to get to the point that I am where I’m able to say this, to say I recognize she was doing the best that she had, she really was trying to be the best mom possible. And I really appreciate what you said about the pressure to have all the things, you know, because as a b2c business, I’m on IG a lot. I’m in charge with influencers and mommies and I see this pressure to have the most beautiful cakes and the most beautiful things into the.am. I hearing you as a mother, say those connection points happen when you’re reading a book in a quiet space or you’re at the kitchen table coloring before dinner is being made. You know, those are the beautiful moments and I recognize how my mom was always trying to get those moments like she really was trying to be the best and although I can undo what was done, I can heal from it. But also I can be the best version of myself and my sister actually got married about a month and a half before she got sick and passed and then actually her first baby she had who’s now two, they had him within like it was only their first anniversary and Caleb came a couple of days later. When you I feel like when you become an on I’ve already been a godmother for a while at this point. You realize that it’s not just about you anymore. You realize you have a response. ability and in all fairness to my mom, I look like my mom, I act like my mom. She had a lot of beautiful qualities, which I was blessed to I do a lot of people call is about, okay, where people say like, this is Linda, like, you remind me of Linda and I do see this. And part of my healing journey is in my dedication. For my first book, I actually say that this first book is dedicated to my trinity of angels, great grandma, grandma, my mom. And I do say that my acknowledgment is that our relationship was not perfect. But it was built on love. Yeah, and the other thing I say, too, is I you know, I mentioned kids in my life, but my nephew, I do I do, pluck out because it’s blood. So you’re allowed to, you’re allowed to give a little shout out. And I say, you know, thank you for making me the best version of myself, like, I do feel those responsibility. Not just to me, but to hand my god child, to everyone that to you. And although the podcasts are, give me these opportunities, you know, I want to present the best version of myself and I’ve seen I’ve seen things evolve, you know, and something that I notice with my own mom, when we talk about communication is I noticed, like something that this is gonna sound really, really crazy, but it’s so true. So when we would have a family gathering like a bridal shower or a baby shower, my mom would insist on buying a gift with me. Now for some of this, I didn’t care because let’s face it, bridal shower, it’s practical, your I really make up fight with my mom over a vacuum versus a sweater like I’m just not, you know, but baby shower, you know, it’s more fun, you know, I mean, it’s you can be a little more creative. And so I would race to buy something like the day I got the invitation. Because again, there wasn’t communication, my mom and I were, I was like, Mom, I want to recognize as an independent woman. And there was another wedding where she told me don’t write a check, I’m writing the check for the family. And I still wrote a check. Because again, like, I have volume in place where I could say, Mom, I was invited. I want to be financially responsible. I want to pay for my plate, like I had to give her that cousin and her husband like I, you know, I made something for them. I like to make something and then I write a check and like, to balance out like my budget and you know, but again, we didn’t have the communication. However, recognizing that we didn’t have the communication that I wasn’t able to say, Mom, this is upsetting me. Because I feel you’re not respecting me as a responsible grown woman. Now, the flip side of this is because of recognizing that it’s like going I’ll use my sister as an example I and I just all my girlfriends, I always ask them when I’m buying gifts. What are the kids into or if it’s something more family oriented? I asked, Hey, would you like this like because I love to bake and cook. And so I thought it’d be really cute to get kid apron. So like my god daughter and, and her brother? And my friends said no, actually, I don’t like the kids in the kitchen. So I scrapped it. Because again, that’s not it’s disrespectful to give a parent a gift they don’t like and with my sister, so my nephew likes the real thing. He’s only to be like surreal thing. And his grandma bought him like a playback and cleaner. He hates it he rather have the real back and clean your attachment, which made it into one of the Christmas pictures, you know, and so I asked my sister and my brother in law, like he because he loves the kitchen, I’m like, should it be real? And they’re like, yes, he’s gonna sense it. Like, if you’re gonna give them something, give them a real size, to get them a kid sized tool, but real. And again, it’s about that. It’s about that communication. It’s about acknowledging, they know their child best. Like, they’re the ones that are going to have to like store this in their house, it’s about respecting them, because all my girlfriends tell me is either especially my girlfriends more so than the men like I hear all the time, there’s always that one family member that gives a noxious gift that like and as the aunt as the friend you hear about it. And again, it’s also communication like recognizing, okay, this is a sore spot, I should not be giving things like this to the child like this is not a good idea. Like don’t do that. So, when you again, even as an adult, like it’s an evolution and you know, asking those gentle questions, you know, asking for those boundaries. You know, we hear about boundaries all the time with like timeouts, as you know, for toddlers and whatnot. But even as adults, we need to take a timeout and we need to say okay, pause. This was a good this is okay, I thought I was being thoughtful But nope, I’m not so scrapped that let me let me look into something else. Like let me look into something else because at the end of the day, that’s also going back to that feeling less than realizing I’m looking for a way to love my friend. I’m looking for a way to love my family. And I want to show love, I don’t want to cause inches, I don’t want to cause anger, I’m looking, I’m looking to add happiness, and smoothness to the household
Lacy Reason
is very big of you to recognize, right? Because when you’re trying to talk with somebody with sister and sister it can be. Sometimes it can work well, sometimes it cannot. I think it depends on the relationship. But a mother and daughter is so much harder to have that conversation and be like, hey, like, yeah, and even that honest communication. It doesn’t always go well, because that’s not what they’re used to. Right. But it’s something so nice and healing and like learning from that you can do that with your sister and do it with your nephew. Right? Yes. And with your friends, you know, and respecting like, Hey, okay, so I understand, like, you don’t want to store that in your house, or that’s not the most thoughtful gift because yeah, we all have that, like, that annoying toy that a friend gave that you press the button and you’re like, I in my sleep. I hear this song. You know, I’m like, I can’t wait, this thing dies. So I taught, which stands. Oh my
Kristina
gosh, my nephew, Gaia, a micro OPSEU now Maghrib, a kitchen with microwave buttons. And I was I told my sister I said, I’m making a bet. Like how long until it breaks? Or how long do you and your husband take out the batteries? Cuz it’s one of the because of course it’s all he’s doing. It’s pressing that one, but I mean, he loves it. He’s having a good time. But like it’s just kind of funny, because the struggles are real. And no, I totally agree. And like something else that happened after my mom’s passing. So I mentioned you before we started recording, I’m from an Italian family. And you know, I’ve been booked, booking CD. I’ve been baking and cooking since I was a little girl. I mean, I was 12 years old and make homemade pizza dough from scratch. So like I’ve done it all. And the first year my mom passed. But first or second year my mom passed, we were working out the Christmas menu who’s doing what? And I saw that other people were doing the ravioli. And I was just in charge of laying out food. And honestly, I’m the cook on the baker. And my healing and my communications led me to approach my siblings and say, hey, you know, which is true. My mom like to be in control. That’s how she survived. That’s how she thrives. That’s why I was only allowed to float press the ravioli. So literally, they were regurgitating what they had witnessed all these years, we had never talked about it. And so I stepped up to the plate and said, you know, it really means a lot to me to do the ravioli or help or do another dish because you know mom, mom went and led me and a my is actually my sister that came to me and said, Yeah, let’s let’s do it together. And the past two years, I’ve made the ravioli based on Christmas Day. I think it’s really, it’s really beautiful. It’s really beautiful. Because it came from that moment. And again, I recognize like if my mom was living, I would bite my tongue because it’s my mom and I respect my mom. And you know, it would I may have to go through the back door, I guess not as easy to be direct as I am with my own sister and my mother and my brother. But I did be I realized, no, you need to step up and say this and with my own mom. So I’m a little bit of a double. So when one of my siblings was going through something i I said Mom, I’m not commenting. Like she would get upset with me. And one time I actually told her she got really mad I told her you just start respecting so and so as a married as a married individual. They’re engaged, like not only engaged mom, they’re grown. They’re engaged. Like oh, and so I was I was a bit of a doubles in my mom. I mean, I I wouldn’t say a double but like, again, it was scary. You know, it was scary. But I recognize to i i could do it for my siblings. I couldn’t do it for me though, to a certain degree. You know, I mean it because when I would try to do it with her, we would because my mom unfortunately suffered from narcissism as well it would it there were mishaps in the communication. And even when I did it with my siblings, but also I’m the oldest and my mom raised me to be have more of a motherly personality and I just had to stop that because when I’m in a group like I see myself become the mom like I’m the one holding the birthday flowers I’m the one lighting the candles and singing Happy Birthday to everyone or someone’s still somebody like wearing napkins, let’s clean this you know and so I recognize I need to take care of myself like I need to like as soon as they step out like student know they’re grown adults, they can figure it out. It’s okay there are paper towels. They will find them. You don’t have to be the mom of all moms but but that’s another thing we can do. occasion as I realized, oh, like, I need to do this for me and honestly looping back to what you said about the books been healing. The books have taught me to stand up for myself like when I first started writing, I was with a different team that I left now I’m with a team that really understands me and gets me and I’ve been drawing since I was seven years old. And that was a big thing for me. I was like, I am illustrating my own books. I am designing my book cover. I mean, my my layout person does the layout of the book cover, but it’s my illustration on the book cover. And that was a big thing. And, you know, there was discussion over my font. And I was like, No, it needs to feel me. But these are all from dealing with these things with my mom, I realized, no, you can’t keep people pleasing. You can’t keep sliding it under the rug, like you need to do what’s right for you. And, you know, I’ve seen it with my girlfriends. And I imagine you’ve seen it in your own parenting journey and your friend’s parenting journey as well. Like, there comes a point where you have to kind of step back and do what’s right for you. Because I see it on social, I see the opinions, I see this and that. And my sister says something really powerful to me when I was with her a week, two weeks ago and said, you know, you can Google anything. You can Google anything about what you want to hear. And it’s true. And it’s like I heard say that was like, oh my god, that is so scary. You are so right. Like you can figure out whatever answer you want. If you do, you’re willing to do enough digging, and by then again, your gut. And again, that goes back into understanding the feelings as being able to talk it and again, it’s like learning to walk and I’m still learning to identify my feelings. Like I still have to step back, like, okay, how am I feeling? Why am I feeling this way? How am I gonna get through this like, and it’s, and I’m a grown woman. And so I can only imagine how it is for a little kid and what’s going through their head? And it’s
Lacy Reason
Yeah, yeah, that’s real. Yeah. And essentially, if you have somebody changing your buck, so much like it’s not you anymore, right. So yeah. And you mean, you must have poured so much into the saying that you like painted all the illustrations? Yeah. Yeah.
Kristina
Well, that’s the thing too. It’s so much of your heart and soul. And that was actually something else that came up as well, when I first started writing. So I, I was between the idea of traditional and self publishing. And I actually was on the phone with an agent for over two hours because I’m a sales woman like I am a sales woman. I know this is also where my mom had a bit of a rough because my mom was a little bit more introverted than me, she’s a little shyer than me and I tend to I just have a salesy personality, you know, I mean, like I like, I’ve had people help work with me on finessing pitches and finessing approaches. But when it comes to you walking in a room, like I can work around pretty like, easily, like, it doesn’t bother me. And that was. So anyways, I got on the phone with this agent, and I pulled, I immediately started, Oh, I loved how you said this in your presentation. You know, that Zinger to get their ears, and that comes to me very naturally. So we were on the phone. That was my point of saying, I’m a saleswoman. We’re on the phone, and people that know, they’re listening to get an agent on the phone for that long, like they’re the personality, Dan out money, no money. And so we were talking and then my editor had the conversation, my marketing strategist and I had the conversation. And I realized Self publishing was right for me, because the traditional you are fitting into their boxes, and I knew from the get go, there are certain boxes, like for example, I’m a Catholic woman. And so Bella does their blessings to enter every book. You know, I am very feminine and I am very girly opposite my page and nails like I’m always like, are the chipping like are they look good, you know, and so Bella wears dresses, you know, and I love to cook. So Bella loves to cook and there are certain things that her mom does with her because that’s what my mom did with me. But then there are certain things my dad did with me. So that’s what Ellen’s dad does with her. And, you know, I have a lot of friends that are Orthodox Jewish, that I have certain friends that are atheists, but I also have friends of the L I’m gonna screwed up the L LBGT. Q community, you either love homosexual friends that are married and have kids. And, you know, I spoken to my friends in different religions. I’ve especially spoken to my gay friends and I said, you know, I’m not comfortable telling this story. Just because I’m friends with you just because I’m friends with with someone that celebrates the Sabbath on a weekly basis. Just because I’m friends with someone that is of the gay community that is married and raising a child doesn’t mean that I have the knowledge to authentically write that. And the way I’m writing these books, is so that those communities can read it and they can feel comfortable. It’s about relatability. It’s about being your true self. And it’s maybe a little off topic. But when I watched the old, I remember as a kid watching Ellen DeGeneres come out. And when I watched those interviews now, when I’m watching the parents and the Catholics who were there and disagreeing with her, what I’m hearing is and nothing to do about our sexual orientation. It has to do with control. It has to do with control of when their children were exposed to certain things. And honestly, you can’t control people, they are going to learn what they’re going to learn, they are going to be who they are going to be. And I personally admire women like Ellen and so many. And obviously, Barbara Walters just passed the great Bob Walters, like I think she was amazing. Everybody is saying that, again, I really believe it’s about being your true self. Like one of the things I remember not show up all over the place. But I remember Barbara Walters is that they thought she was they put her in there because she had an attractive face. And she didn’t want that. She wanted substance. She’s edgy. She was educated, she was smart, she was cunning. And I feel the same as Ellen, you know, she created a space where we can be ourselves our true selves. And as a straight Catholic woman, I want to be able to do that, you know, and, and same with all those parents that are looking for ways to adapt their communication to their child, like I’m, I’m not looking to say this is the right way to help your child transition. This is the right way to do this. Like no, it’s not, it’s about you saying, oh, okay, maybe I can do this this way. You know, like I said, you have the child doesn’t want to sit still. And color. You know, maybe like my nephew is that is like, you know, he’s not into coloring quite yet. But he loves a lawn mower. So maybe it’s your husband, and the child going on the ride on lawn mower and riding around the backyard. You know, maybe it’s that, you know, there’s no set, like one size fits all, you know, and that’s the beauty of this world is that we’re able to adapt and make it work.
Lacy Reason
For sure. So you’re saying your books are about transitions in life? I would love to know, what are the stories? What transitions what kind of transition are in the books? Yeah,
Kristina
yeah, absolutely. So what I did is I chose transitions and skills that we all go through. So the first five that are going to come out. This first book is Bella’s big girl bed, where she goes from a crib to a big girl bed. The next one, she is learning to read. The third one, she’s learning to get dressed. So zippers and buttons and tying shoes, and she’s going to learn to ride a bike. And then the holiday one of this year is Bella’s Christmas cookies where she learns she can’t find the gift in the store. That’s right for everyone, all of her friends. So she actually makes cookies with her mom. And she’s able to help that and then the further boasts I’m actually although I have five ready to go. Yeah, the one I’m working on right now actually, we’re bumping five sold next year, because it’s going to be Bella’s Christmas cookies. Those are just finished writing and my editors working on illustrating sooner than later. So there’s going to be in the next five, she’s going to be learning math. She’s going to be gardening like learning how to grow garden. She is there’s going to be Halloween one, there’s gonna be more Christmas stuff that I really wanted to hone on things that we all go through. You know, one thing that I often say is if we strip away our sexual orientations, our genders, nationalities, where we’re from where we’re raised with our ages, we all work from that same feelings list a you know, we all go from a crib to a big kid bed. You know, we all learn math, we all learn to read we all learn to get dressed. You know, Halloween and Christmas are a little more specific. But again, it’s still that we have holidays that we celebrate, and you know, and then the last within the last 15 and 11 year five like Bella so I love to travel and Italy and Paris are two of my favorite areas of the world. So Bella is gonna go travel later in the series and again, I’m still working on those plotlines. But again, that will be things we go through like being on a plane for the first time being in a foreign space like missing your friends, like my brain is always like the was the plot twist, like what is that? But again, it’s it’s all about that really ability. You know, I didn’t want I want to put a little bit of myself in there. So it’s authentic, obviously. And so it’s lie to yourself at the same time, I wanted something that people can relate to. So for example, if you’re not like, oh my gosh, I can’t, I can barely do this quick, Christina, how in the world am I didn’t relate to this, we can all relate to going trying to find something special for our friends for a book for a party, you know, we can all relate to gathering and why that’s special, you know. And so that’s what I’m always going for, you know, but at the same time, in light of what I was saying before, I realized it’s important to be if I’m saying, like, my mission is to be your true self, I realized I had to demonstrate that first and foremost, like, I need to live, live fully, you know, I need to demonstrate like, this is me and not apologize for it. And that’s hard not to apologize. Like it’s something else I’ve been working on a lot. And I still work on it constantly is that apology factor? Because it’s, it’s easy. It’s really easy to do, but it’s worth thought. It’s worth the struggle working through it. It is
Lacy Reason
and I think especially as a firstborn, you know, I’ve read all about the order birth order. And especially, you know, you’re like, you’re, you’re the little mama, you know, and so I’m sure that is a lot. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, I’m hearing all the sharing the stories and like the plane for the first time. And so I can, I can right now see exactly, because my kids just went on to it at three when I’m playing for the first time. And so now I could see how beneficial it would have been to have a book to explain going on the plane for the first time, but for other transitions, and other stories. What do you think? How do these stories help your child’s go through these transitions?
Kristina
I think they help with the way I see it helping is a gentle way to introduce it. You know, storytime is I’m really big on the love languages. And ironically, I’m a teacher. I love to touch IASP love through touch. So I think that’s why I love kids so much like I just I love. I love snuggles and that includes my nephew, like I struggled not to clobber him whenever I see him, like I really have to hold back into the Christina give him a space like he will come to you. It’s okay. But I do feel that intimacy of storytime, and a lot is very aware of where I don’t hear of a family ending, ending their bedtime ritual, without a story. And there’s something about that repetitiveness, and something else with the familiarity of reading these stories. And the characters is I’ve seen this and I’ve heard this from other parents is that you the child will talk through the character meaning Oh, well, Bella, Did this mean you do is to or it is that familiarity. And it’s almost like having a friend it’s almost like having a friend that it’s and again, there’s something about that intimacy, of that, of reading together. And spending time together quite quietly, and really identifying and so I do feel it’s so important. I’m grateful for myself that I’m a crochet or knit are and then I can create the toys because they part of my adventure this year to start looking into manufacturing because I will always have the handmade option. But with that said, even looking into the manufacturing option, I’m very good. How about all my toys, not having sounds not having bells and whistles? Because again, like if you if you have like, for example, I’m just giving like a broad example my books are out at this point in the year. You have my toys, you have my books, you’re reading my books, your child and your child takes Bella and is like, you know Bella Bella is nervous about the slide like what? You know, I mean, like I’ve seen yeah, I’ve I’ve had parents tell me what to parents have had these have had my toys that will say their child talks to the toy like, you know, bells scare the thunderstorm. She needs to sleep with me or Bella needs to let lay on there’s something. I’ve seen it and honestly, I’ve seen adults do it. And it’s funny because I see adults do it to their phones. Like I see them when they’re scared, like go on their phones and scroll when they’re in a party and I’m like, okay, they’re like, No, we’re like we’re at a party. Like why are you or your phone but then I realize wait, that’s there. I was Joe because I’m a Snoopy girl. I always joke that sir Linus is blue blanket like that’s like our phones are that so when we see kids like I feel kids are more upfront with it. And even my own nephew. He’s all about trucks. The Garbage Truck is his favorite thing in the entire world. And I joke because I was at the Macy’s Day Parade this year. I finally got to see it live. And I took a picture of the trucks at 5am 6am Five 6am until my sister so Louise not coming for another three hours but honestly, I think Caleb’s gonna enjoy this much more and she’s like Jackie has like you really care less about the balloons. But I’ve seen him carry around his truck even though it was it was so funny this summer because the truck was broken, but he’s still held onto it. And so there’s something about that comfort and I see how he gravitates towards books in that repetition. And there are things and granted, he’s he’s starting to speak now. And he’s developing more skills. But yeah, when you’re reading these stories, and it’s just a gentle way to introduce the concept. And you’ll give again, like with the color, and we talked about earlier, giving them that space to come to you. And bring it up as opposed to feeling forced into it. And with that said, I get it we’re, we’re humans, we all need boundaries, like there are times where we’d rather be sitting on the sofa watching TV, but we need to clean, clean the kitchen, or you know, and as kids like, it’s the same thing, like at any age, we have those moments, but there is something empowering, whether it’s the child or the parent, having that opportunity to be able to present something in a non threatening way. And I feel storybooks are a great way to do that. Because it’s just a gentle, a gentle way of consistency.
Lacy Reason
It is and it also gives you that dialogue, right? I have read this book called playful parenting, which was great because it’s kids learn through and work through things through play, you know, and so having, like, the dialogues through the book, and then having the character to play with and like really working through, like, oh, you know, like, really skinny, you know, fellas scared of the big girl bed and being all by herself, you know, like, and then working through the story. And then having, like, my daughter, I can think of like, she would love to work through that. And like, comforting, she’s such a little mama, just like taken care of and like, Oh, it’s okay. Like, it really is, like, so helpful when you’re going through that, you know?
Kristina
Absolutely. The other thing too, that I’ve learned from my journey, and it’s funny, because like now that the holidays have dwindled down like there are when the kids are little, and I saw this with my own mom, you know, we all have an inner child and critical parent, and it is a skill. It’s a skill, I’m still working on identifying that. And I see how, with my obviously, my own mom and other moms that I’ve observed Elf on the Shelf, Santa, these are all opportunities for us as adults, adults via calendar age, to nurture our inner child. And I saw how when I hit my teens, and then my siblings that their teens, that my mom lost some of that playfulness. And so when we talk about this, too, you know, again, like I’ve noticed this with my own personal journey with my mom, how important it was not just to me, but to her. And so it’s and again, this is something that you have to live. I mean, you have to figure it out, like it’s not going to be perfect, but there is something about I feel having it in the back of the back of our minds, and being aware of it. And I’ve had multiple parents say to me, like when a child gets sick. Like, I remember that when my co former coworker said to me, you always have that a wow moment where you don’t know what’s wrong. And then you figure it out. And next time it happens, you’re good, but you you have to go through that, like you have to go through that. Okay, my child is ill How do I deal with this? Like, what is it this isn’t working to summary? Okay, this is working now. I know. And it’s no offense, it’s no different. And so when we talk about, you know, up on the shelf and whatnot, and my marketing strategist, Melanie, like we’re actually already plotting for the holidays 2023 Because again, you have to be ready by November 1. And I love Christmas. So it’s really not like it’s actually on my island like great Christmas all year. Fabulous. But, you know, she was showing me this group text of these mommies and they’re all posting their elf on the shelf stuff. And I it was so neat because and I honestly thought wow, it’s just as important to the mom and the dad as it is to the child. And you know, obviously we’re you’re they’re doing it for their kids and they want their kids to have the best Christmas season which is beautiful and lovely. But there is that moment you know, you need this to as a grown adult like you need to nourish that little girl that little boy you know they need to play and so I could see to how that playful parenting is really is really fun because like I know me, I’m I’m the one that’s on the floor playing with the kids like I have this thing with my nephew or he gives me a play phone and even without the plate, I’ll use my fingers like I’ll go out and he just lights up if you think it’s the greatest thing and I love saying it like yeah Yes. And like we saw play does come to me very naturally I acknowledge that. But it was so funny because it’s Christmas season I really, like had this epiphany. I’m like, Oh my gosh, like this is I’m talking about inner child all year long like this is so important. Like, I should be recognizing this and thinking like, oh, how do I? How do I present this, you know, in a gentle way, because obviously everyone’s inner child is different, like the way i i approach is different than the next person and there’s no right or wrong again, it’s all about communication and nourishing, you know?
Lacy Reason
Yeah, for sure. Being an author, and I personally, so for you, I love reading books. Absolutely love it. So I was curious, what is your favorite? Do you have a favorite book that you love that you’ve got a lot of influence from? With?
Kristina
Oh, my gosh. So I have a couple of favorites. I think the one I’ll give though, because I want to I’m always that one. There’s like, let me give like 10 answers for one question. I’m totally that woman. I’m gonna call like, the book that comes to mind. And I read it so many times, like I’m well into double digits is the Time Traveler’s Wife. And one of the reasons why I love it so much. And I actually steer away from the movie in a series because I’m so deeply invested in the book, like I get it. I’m an author, like I get the strategy I understand. But I’m hoping it does this and imagine that woman I need a space to imagine when I read that book, there are so many easter eggs. And I keep on picking up on more and more things. Like sometimes when I read it, I’m like, Oh my gosh, this is mom’s birthday, or oh my gosh, this is my brother’s birthday, or, Oh, wait, this is Oh, wait, this is what what happens like later in the book, because like Claire mentions, like Tara and or you wrote to me, Dorothy, and I think about the baby, you know, what happens at Pinterest. And I’m like, I get so excited. You know, and I just love the characters. I just adore them. And my grandpa’s name is Henry. And I we lost him several years, many, many years ago. And I was just so adorable. And I loved him Ziba a source, but I have a very big soft spot for that name. But it’s those Easter egg factors. And that’s why I’m also in addition to books, I’m a huge reader as well. I love to read. I’m also a big movie person. And again, I look for movies with those Easter eggs. And I forget the last name of her by her first name is Audrey. But what Audrey is writing reminds me a lot of what Alfred Hitchcock does in his movies. I’m a huge Hitchcock fan. And I think as a children’s author, how can I do this? Like how can I insert these Easter eggs so when we’re talking about big picture for Bella, like I have already started manifesting for her to go to Animation. And I’ve actually said this because I’m very adamant about I’m going to be the voice on the audio books you know, I’m the face of the brand you hear my voice all the time but with animation I want people Hitchcock beating or like what Audrey doesn’t in Time Traveler’s Wife I want to be a different character in each series and have like two or three lines Max like are enough that you can hear my voice so as to be the shop clerk or, or I can be the cleaning lady or I could be the male woman and but I want it to be so let the kiddos like where’s all Christians noise? Where’s her voice? So seeing Audrey do that and her writing. I’m like, wow, I I want to do that for the parents are trusting me like I really value you and all the men and women that are in the parenting journey and are trusting me and are listening to my words and reading my books and allowing, allowing Bella to enter your homes like I want to provide best quality. So to me if I can provide you a little easter egg or something fun on that 100th read of one of my books. It’s like, that’s what I’m here for. I’m here for both of you. And that’s the thing with children’s I tell people like who are like, Well, why children’s why this why that I’m like, because a lot of times too I feel people tend to hear I’m a children’s author, even though I write two different blogs that I write for adults. They’re like, Oh, children’s, oh, well, whatever. And like No, children’s is a lot more complicated. For many, many reasons. Like there’s a lot of things you can’t fake the way you can fake it’s all books. And also, you have two different clients in mind. You’re catering to both the parent and the child, you you have a responsibility to both parties. It’s not an either or, you know, this is a this is a responsibility. This is a value add to someone’s life. It’s like you know, so I do and that’s part of what I love about it. I love the fact that I’m able to be invited into someone’s intimate community. It’s really beautiful. It’s really do Well, opportunity.
Lacy Reason
I love that too. When you are reading or watching a movie or a series, it’s like, it makes it so much more enjoyable because you didn’t pick that up last time, you know, and you’re like, Oh, I’m not a huge, I don’t feel like I have a lot of time to watch shows or movies anymore. But before kids, I love the show Arrested Development. And they have those little things put in throughout the whole series. And you can watch that, like 10 times and you’re like, oh, like, they plan that from like season one. And it’s season four, you know, and so it’s really enjoyable. But yeah, so yeah, as a parent reading the same books 100 times, Yeah, appreciate those little surprises. Absolutely.
Kristina
Because technicity is one of my all time favorite TV shows. And that’s part of the reason why I feel it’s so timeless, is all those Easter eggs and the writing is so strong. And so as a children’s author, because the word count, you really do have to cap it. Like as I’m, I’m definitely one that can write, write, write, write, write. And I and that’s why I love blogging because I feel like there’s no rules. I’m like, Oh, I came back with this trip. And I had this epiphany, let me write about this. You know, I feel like it’s just fun, like, why not? Like, why not write about this? And I can I see how crisp and clear writing is. And again, I love it when they show snaps at Karis closet, and will be season five, but there’s a dress from season two. And it’s those little things or just seeing how her space in the space of the other characters is growing and developing. And I think of that, too, as I’m drawing this series as I’m writing this series, because my editor and I have actually already had the conversation about well, who is Bella going to be when she grows up? And my editor has already said to me, when when we’re when we reach 15? Like, are you open to writing a book for the older kids? Meaning like the pre teens or early teen teenagers? So yeah, why not? And I realized that will be a different writing skill that I will develop, which I’m excited to develop when the time comes, you know, and it’s ironic to because a second blog that I wrote, I write I do write I write it us, sorry, my words. They write some umbra. That to me is that where was the inspiration for this and it’s, I call it diaries of Bella. And it’s really my mom and I. And what I do is I read through the eyes of Bella as a child and I flip it and I right through the eyes of the adult and so I just wrote it’s gonna come out next week. The one about her first snowfall, you know, that she’s really able to enjoy and but the Christmas one it actually is a true story. When I was old enough to know who Santa is. My mom, I catching up my mom turned to me it’s like your father and I were up till 2am setting up those paradise state houses and so that and I the eyes adult woman, I can still close my eyes and see the Christmas tree and see those. Those states that up. So it’s also an idea of putting those logs into the book for parents because again, that’s what I’m dealing with is like my, my relationship with my mom like not understanding why my mom’s tired on Christmas morning not understanding what like for her birthday, for example, her birthday blog, I wrote that Bella was tugging on her mom’s dress and her mom looked at her disgruntled and then her base sock and she pulled her up on her hip. And now from Bella’s mom, mom’s present day, which is totally my mom, like, I hate you know, I right. I was Uplay I was trying to make this perfect. And I’m talking to Bob’s mother, my mother in law. And I feel this tug. And I realize is my daughter and I feel so bad because I’m just tired. And, you know, it’s about I feel it’s about for me, it’s about me meeting my mom halfway understanding she really was trying to be the best mom she could be. And again, I see it also for me sharing it not just for the men and women who are in their parenting journey. But they’re also either in that parents journey, or maybe they’re not there yet. They are also healing from their own parent relationships. Because I realized like part of this beauty of healing from these things is not only having a deeper spiritual connection to my mom, she doesn’t the signs like all the time, like I pray and even though they may not show up, like she always finds a way to show up and like, let me know she’s there in beautiful ways. And then I realized, like, if I want to be a wife of I want to be a good mom. I want to be a good author. I need to work through these things. Like if I want to be the best version of me. I need to do this like this is this is my choice. This is my responsibility to me. And there’s something really amazing about that too.
Lacy Reason
That is I love that. I feel like we could talk for so much more. I have so many more questions, but respect of our lists. There’s I’m sure they’re busy moms will have to just chat about another time. But I would love to say like, where can you Where can we find more about you?
Kristina
Absolutely. So I have my website is www dot triple C. Okay, l.com I do have an email list. So I would love again, if I have the gift for your audience. It’s Valentine’s color and drawing now, I do different freebies, seasonally. And if you’re on my email list, these freebies and these gifts, I always include them in my newsletters, I always make sure you have access to everything. So if you’re thinking, Oh, I signed up, I’m not gonna get like, no, no, I’m always giving goodies. I’m always thinking of new ideas for you guys. And I love for you to keep me posted on the books like that’s like a really, really exciting step to my journey. And I just can’t wait for families to have them in our hands. Like I think that’s gonna be a really exciting moment. And I can’t
Lacy Reason
wait to see them. And I will link all of your connections down below. Absolutely so much for joining us. I was so excited to talk to you. Thank you. Same here. I appreciate it. everyone for listening to the early motherhood guide podcast and I will see you guys next week.
