Are you feeling guilty about taking care of yourself? There’s no need to feel guilty – self-care is an important part of keeping your mind and body healthy! This video will give you some tips on how to start taking care of yourself, without feeling like you’re neglecting your responsibilities. Thanks for watching!
Kathryn is a UK born mother who moved to New Zealand 17 years ago with 3 boys under the age of 4. She is passionate about helping mothers to see that they are more than “Just a mum” as she has been there herself – feeling like she lost part of herself in motherhood. Kathryn uses a highly effective combination of mindset coaching and Root Cause Therapy to help clients identify and overcome their subconscious blocks so they can really embrace the coaching journey.
Website: https://www.kitesangels.net
FB Group: www.tinyurl.com/Women-Making-Changes
Instagram: www.instagram.com/Kath.askew
FB Profile: https://www.facebook.com/kathaskew21
Lacy Reason
Hey, mamas. I’m Lacy, your lactation counselor, and you’re listening to the early motherhood guide podcast where motherhood is simply supported. Today, I have the opportunity to talk with Kathryn Askew. And hi, Catherine, why don’t you introduce yourself today? Hi.
Kathryn
Hi, Lacy. Yep, I’m Kathryn. I’m a mom of three boys. And they’re all late teens, early 20s. Now, but I did have three under the age of three and a half. So that was pretty crazy. And I’m also a life coach for mums and a root cause therapy practitioner.
Lacy Reason
Yeah, so you’re saying that you’re a root cause therapy practitioner. And obviously my thought is, of course, you’re getting to the root cause of something. But I don’t know exactly what that is. So if you could share, tell us more about what a root cause therapy practitioner is and what they do.
Kathryn
Sure. So if you imagine in your day to day life, you probably have certain patterns that you find yourself repeating over and over again. And even if they’re not really serving you very well. An example I often give is people who maybe jump from one relationship to another. And they’d rather be in a relationship rather than be alone. So that’s kind of a negative pattern. And all have these patterns in your day to day life, both your behaviors and your thinking. They all stem, as you said, from a root cause. So that could be anything at all, in your past, even going into sort of past lives, DNA memories, things like that, where an attachment has been formed, the emotion has attached to the event. And it’s never been released. And so it’s that emotion that still stuck. And that is what makes us sort of still have those limiting beliefs. Like we’re not good enough, we’re not worthy of love. They’re sort of really very common ones that come up a lot. And so my job as root cause practitioner, is to, basically, first of all, we use muscle testing to identify what limiting beliefs the client is holding on to. And quite often, quite often, they recognize some of them. And they’re like, Yeah, I do that. But others of them, they don’t recognize they have them that’s really just in that subconscious. So once we identify them, then we can go in work with the subconscious, and go back to whatever the first event is, work on that emotion, release the emotion. And then that allows us to release all of the connected emotions and events between the first event and now. And therefore that claim is what it’s doing to us in the day to day level.
Lacy Reason
Wow, that seems like some deep work, like how long? On average, do you work with somebody.
Kathryn
So I normally do like an eight week package. The sessions, normally the first session would probably be about two hours, because we also do a lot of the intro stuff as well, obviously. After that, the sessions range from about one hour to an hour and a half. And it really depends, we can release up to three limiting beliefs a session, but it really does depend on how deep the and how deep those particular ones that we work on are. If it’s a really, really heavy one, the subconscious and the client might only manage one in that session. But if there are a few that are just kind of not quite so deep seated and traumatic. It can Yeah, we can do three in one go. So and I mean, everyone has limiting beliefs of some kind. And it has these subconscious blocks that stop them.
Lacy Reason
Yeah, that is so true. What actually made you start that like how did you even hear about this what what inspired you to be a root cause therapy practitioner?
Kathryn
So I’ve never heard of it either. I saw I did my life coaching diploma. And after finishing that it I actually remembered just how much I enjoyed learning and just just learning these new things and studying. So I decided okay, what can I what can I learn now? And I wanted to find something that would sort of be really complimentary alongside the life coaching I was actually looking at hypnotherapy, which I probably will still do at some point. But as I was sort of researching into the hypnotherapy type of courses, I completely just stumbled across this root cause therapy one. And as I was reading it, I thought, Oh, wow, that would, that would just be absolutely perfect alongside alongside the coaching, and it was something that really grabbed me, it just really caught my interest. So yeah, I went for it. So I’ve done, I’ve done the level one, which allows me to work with adults. And I’m currently studying to do the level two, which will allow me to work with children and teenagers as well.
Lacy Reason
Oh, interesting. How long does that take?
Kathryn
And it’s self paced. So it’s just however long I can I can do it, you have certain number of practice hours that you need to complete. But yeah, it’s it’s very much self paced, which is great when you’re working around other things or families.
Lacy Reason
Yeah. So you’re saying that you’re also a coach. So what kind of what kind of coaching do you do? Who do you serve?
Kathryn
So primarily, it’s I coach women. But especially I’m really, really passionate about working with mums. I’ve, as I said, I have three boys and a three and a half. So I’ve done the whole, where everything in your life seems to be about just being a mum. Yeah. And it almost feels like you lose a part of who you are, for a time, man. And so they’re the women that I really love to help the maybe the stay at home moms who are at that stage where they love being a mum, but they want to do something else that really sets them on fire outside of motherhood.
Lacy Reason
I love that. Yeah. It’s so hard for us moms, right? When we’re singing at home, we have such a mom guilt if we do anything for ourselves. And it’s kind of this like cycle right? When you are constantly serving your family. And sometimes it can just feel like a thankless job, even though it is very rewarding. But there are some seasons obviously, it just doesn’t feel that way. And when you do step aside to do something for yourself, you have like so much guilt about it. So how do you help mamas quit feeling that mom guilt when they are trying to do something for themselves?
Kathryn
So I mean, mom guilt is something Yeah, we definitely work on sort of within the program, because it is I don’t think I’ve met any mum, who has never experienced mum guilt. And a lot of it is around their own expectations. And they have they’ve put these expectations on themselves, that they need to be the perfect mum, and, and the perfect mum means they have to do X Y Zed. And so they have all of these expectations. And quite often not even ones that they came up with themselves. It’s societal pressure, it’s family pressure. It’s seeing the perfect families on social media. You know, it’s all of these things that make us as mums sometimes feel like we’re not doing a good enough job. And that and that we ought to be 110% focused on the kids. Nothing else matters. And yeah, I mean, I just work on trying to identify where the where the idea of the perfect mom has come from. And just things around how you can like we talk about on an on an aeroplane, they they say you always put your own oxygen mask on, before you do your child’s or anyone else’s. Yeah. And it’s exactly the same as a mum with things like self care, and I mean self care can be anything. And in some ways self care can be just doing something for yourself, whatever that might be, whether that be going back to work part time, whether that be taking yourself off for an hour a week for a walk, all of these things that you can do for self care. By filling up your own cup, you are then able to be a better mom a better wife a better partner, to to those around you because you are feeling fulfilled. And so hopefully by by women understanding that it makes them feel less guilty and a lot of women feel like they need to deserve or they need to have earned the right to self care? Absolutely not. You, you have the right to self care, you don’t need to earn it, you don’t need to do anything to deserve it. Everyone has the right to self care.
Lacy Reason
Yeah, it’s interesting because I feel like after you have this idea, right of secure to the perfect mom, and we always have that idea, right. And I’ve never thought about where that came from, especially, you know, because I also have that idea, what would be the ideal mother for my kids. And that always talks on such guilt. And then if you’re trying to do anything for yourself, you’re like, Well, I haven’t checked all these boxes yet, right? Like, my house is not perfectly clean. So I cannot therefore do anything for myself, that my kids have not been read to, like for an hour today yet, I cannot do anything for myself. Because I have so many things ahead. That before that I have to fulfill before I take care of myself, or before I do anything that I would like to do, right? Even if it’s not brushing my hair doing going to the salon or anything, but if there’s something I want to do, right, or, like I have so much joy from doing these interviews, but so many things that I feel that I need to do first right before that. So I love the idea of like identifying where that’s coming from? And is that thought serving you right? Because is it really going to be beneficial? Is it serving my family and myself? Having all those boxes checked? before? I do one thing that brings me joy, you know, but I would love to hear from you? How do we establish some self care routine without affecting our family? So if I wanted to have this in my routine, whether it is reading a book for five minutes, whether it’s doing a little meditation, or if it’s getting myself ready for the day, how do you establish that care without it affecting your family and taking over because I feel so much that if you pick the wrong time, it’s almost just cancels itself out. It’s just not even worth it. Right? So if I, right at dinner time decided I need to go take 10 minutes to myself. There’s no point. There’s just no point, because I have so many littles that right, so how do you establish that self care routine.
Kathryn
So I actually worked with a client who really struggled with exactly that she, it was just her and her husband and a 15 month old. But she felt like she had to do everything. Like she just didn’t want to. Or she didn’t feel that she was able to allow her husband to take on certain things. So in her case, her husband was often around in the mornings. But he would, he’d get up, he’d have a shower, he’d sit there and read his paper while we had his breakfast, while she dashed around doing everything. And so we a lot of that, for her was about getting her husband on board and saying well, okay, you know, your home X number of mornings a week, for two mornings of that week, I would like you to sit with the baby and feed the baby and do all of that. While I have time to go and actually have a shower, brush my hair, no, and just do that without feeling like I’m trying to scrub around to do everything. And so that really, that really worked well just sort of being able to have a chat with her husband and and sort of say, okay, like this really helped me. And I think it was great as well, because the husband had never really been given any responsibility with the children because she always felt like she was she was the only one who could do it properly. And I think quite often as moms we we struggle with that as well. We kind of have an idea of how it should be done. Yeah. And no one else can do it quite like us. So for her that really worked, but it’s it’s just things like, obviously it depends on the age of your kids and what your routine is. Whether they go to a daycare, whether they’re at school, things like that. But if you do have time without the children in the day, right in your diary, write it in, put it in your phone calendar that I don’t know every day at 11 o’clock. You are going to just sit down and Whatever it might be, whether it be read a book, or I mean, I don’t know what it is, you know, you’re you’re into doing. But for me, it would be sitting down reading a book, sit down, read a book, have a coffee, and just chill for 15 minutes and not worry that the dishes are still in the sink, because they can wait 15 minutes. So quite often, it’s about finding a time when you’re either without the kids or when you have someone around that can have them for 15 minutes. But put that in your make it an appointment with yourself. Just as you wouldn’t make an appointment with someone and then not show up. Make it an appointment with yourself and make sure you show up. Yeah,
Lacy Reason
I love that. I think scheduling that time in is so crucial. Because if you just think about when it’s gonna come up, like when you’re gonna have 15 minutes, like you really never gonna prioritize what you should be doing for actual self care, you end up just scrolling. Right, which is not gonna help. So, yeah. So having that thinks, oh, yeah, my husband is he’s very giving and so supportive. So we’ve noticed that if we just schedule in two days a week where he can serve, you know, that is just, it just fills his cup enough. And he’s, like, the most supportive husband that there is. So that has helped. And then I go back and forth. I’m not as good about this. But he’s so helpful when I’m trying to do something like this. But if I go take a workout class that doesn’t necessarily have childcare, like, I would always do twice a week, you know, in the evenings. And it just didn’t affect the family, because the kids were already in bed already put the kids to bed, and then I was able to go refresh myself. But another thing I love that you said, is like communicating and delegating, right? So you’re not the only parent here and the husband, or your partner or wherever, is fully capable of helping. But you do I think a lot of men, they just don’t know what to do, right? So they’re eager to help. They love to be needed. But they need to know what they are needed for. If you don’t tell them, they’re not going to be there to help because they just don’t know. So if I say hey, it would be really helpful if you just took this responsibility in the morning, twice a week, so that I can go take a nice shower, I think that is so helpful. And I can’t imagine like how she felt at the end of that, like, just knowing that you can rely twice a week is not, it’s not something that’s going to consume your time and your family. Right? You did. But it is enough to where you’re like, I feel refreshed. And I can make it until Tuesday because I know that I’m going to have that relaxing time, you know. So I love that. How did you feel after that?
Kathryn
Oh, ah, she. I mean, she’s actually one of my testimonials that I’ve gotten, she talks about how she was sacrificing and not self sacrificing. And yet just feeling like she had to do everything. And by the end of it, she you could say her confidence had and her own self esteem and self worth had soared. I mean, this particular client also had quite high anxiety. And perfectionism was a big thing for her. So one of the big things we had to work on with her was, yes, ask us your husband to do X, Y and Zed. But you’re gonna have to get rid of this idea of, well, okay, it has to be done exactly like this. Your husband may not feed the baby or look after the baby for that time in exactly the way you would. Yeah, but that’s okay. It doesn’t have and this is what and I think this is where a lot of husbands and partners struggle as well in terms of they they tried to step up and help but sometimes if they don’t do it quite how mum thinks it needs to be done. They end up feeling like they’ve done it wrong. Yeah. And so then they don’t want to do it again. So that was something else we had to work on with with this particular client was getting over the anxiety of letting go of some of that responsibility. And that, you know, the, the baby is not going to come to harm being left with with the dad for a short time. And also Yeah, just releasing some of that perfectionism because, you know, if, by the end of it, I was so proud of her because it used to be that the second she got up the bed had to be perfectly made. and everything like that. And she came to me one week and she goes, Do you know what? Yesterday, I didn’t make the bed until we’re ready to go to bed. Wow. So amazing because it meant that instead of sitting down instead of having five minutes and thinking I have to get that bed done. She had taken time to just sit and refill her own cup. And it hadn’t given her anxiety, the fact that John, it didn’t get done first thing in the morning, but that’s fine. It won’t get done. Yeah. So I was so proud of her when she came in and said that because it just showed how far she had come. Yeah.
Lacy Reason
Yeah, the amount of stress and when you put all this pressure on yourself, and even, it sometimes doesn’t seem worth it right when you’re like, it has to be done this way. So if I’m going to have, you know, my husband put the kids to bed, it’s not going to be perfect. It could be perfect in his way, but it wouldn’t be perfect in my weight and how I would do it. It’s sometimes so stressful. And it’s like, almost feels like it’s not worth it. But when you really do get in a groove. And I mean, it’s their dad. So obviously they love it too when he gets to put them to bed. So once you feel comfortable, and you guys have a good flow in that trust, it is so freeing, and that stress taken off of you it is absolutely worth it. Right. So
Kathryn
earlier Oh, definitely. Yeah.
Lacy Reason
So earlier you were saying that you have you had three little kids really close, which I know how that is. I’ve had, I’ve had three kids in four years. And yeah, it was, you keep you busy. You said that you actually moved across the world, right? So you are living in the UK, and then you moved all the way to New Zealand. Now that is completely starting over, right? You don’t have any friends, any connections, any anything. And then you have such a big responsibility of taking care of these small kids. And it’s all on you. How was that? How did you find yourself? Not feeling so completely consumed? How did it feel? Did you feel completely consumed? And what? What did you do to have that time for yourself at that point?
Kathryn
To be honest, I didn’t I am back then i I wish I’d known back then what I know now. Yeah. As you say, yeah. So I, I had three boys on the fall when we moved here. And it was just me and my husband and three boys. We hadn’t even set foot in New Zealand before we emigrated here we didn’t even know anything about we’d never moved here at all, never lived here, never even visited. So, I mean, it was an exciting adventure. And I certainly don’t regret doing it. But yeah, it was hard because he had a job lined up. Starting six days after we arrived. Holy cow. So, so I ended up six days after moving from the other side of the world. I was in a motel room with three under fours. And not knowing anyone at all not knowing anything about my where I was living, you know, when I was obviously only just finding out where things were where the shops were where everything was. And it was and it was really because he got to go off to work. And so he started establishing relationships at work and, and he had all of that, but again, I was very much just it was me at home with the kids. And yeah, it did. It did consume me. Yeah. And I was exhausted. And yeah, I just felt like I never really got a lot of time for myself. I mean, he you know, he was great dad. And he would always hang out with them after when he got home from work and things like that. And but it was still they were very, very long days. When you’re with them from whatever time they wake up in the morning until maybe dad gets home at maybe six o’clock in the evening. And then it’s dinner on the table and the whole bedtime routine. Yeah. So yeah. I honestly wish I knew back then. More of what I know now because I did allow it to take over and it was only when the kids were that little bit older and I Started doing just a few hours a week in just working in retail. Just yeah, a very small number of hours. But it was the first time since I’d had the kids that I, I actually felt recognized for me as Katherine rather than as Robbie Luke and Dylan’s mum. Yeah. And so it was, that was really, I mean, you know, it was it was retail, it was, you know, you have your good days and your bad days and retail, depending on your customers. But it was one of those jobs where you could go to work, you could put your hours in and go home, so you weren’t taking stress home with you. But for those few hours of the day, I actually felt valued for who I was, and for the job that I was doing, as me rather than the boy’s mum. Does that make sense? Yeah,
Lacy Reason
for sure. I think sometimes having something part time is like such a good balance. If you’re allowed, if you’re able to do it, you know, if you’re, if time allows for it, it is just nice to switch things up. But if you were to go back when you were moving there, sorry. When you were moving, and you move there with your three littles? What would you tell yourself back then, with the knowledge that you have now? What would you if you were to do it all over?
Kathryn
And I think the biggest thing would be that, when I was when I was at home with the kids, you know, I don’t have to be on the whole time, obviously, I have to keep them safe. But I don’t have to be entertaining them every single second of the day that I am with them. You know, they can be set up with toys and books and in a safe environment. And I can sit down with a coffee for five minutes. And that’s okay, that doesn’t make me a bad mother. It doesn’t mean that I’m failing my kids somehow. Because I’ve left them to occupy themselves for five or 10 minutes. Yeah. So as long as as long as they are safe. I would give myself that permission to to take, you know a bit of time here and they’re just to sit down and just go ah, and, and, you know, just take that pressure off myself of having to be I mean, I also I did lots of which to be honest, I would probably still do now. But I did lots of groups with them. So I took them to, like a playgroup, and I took them to a music group, and things like that. And I would probably still do that, because it was great for me to meet other mums as well. Yeah. But I wouldn’t do it. I wouldn’t put the pressure on myself. It had to be done. Because I was failing the kids if I didn’t. If we got to go, great. The kids will have fun. I’ll get to chat to moms. Yep, great time. If we’re having a really crazy day, and I don’t make it to music today. That’s okay, too. It is what it is. And it’s just about, I guess just being kinder to yourself. I think it would be a lot kinder to myself, show myself a lot more compassion than I did back then.
Lacy Reason
Yeah, that is, I think something works. We’re so hard on ourselves, right? Because you said the perfection. And it’s not like it’s a small thing. Like we’re raising human beings, right? So it is very easy to be perfectionist and be like, No, I need to be the best because it’s not like you get to go back and do it again. However, I do hear a lot of giving yourself grace, being kind to yourself. And in the end, if you are being kind to yourself, it does flow through the rest of your life right and with your kids and only be better or kind to yourself. Right? I have been to New Zealand and it is so family friendly. And it is beautiful. Like the playgrounds are great. And there’s a lot there’s a lot to do for families and I really love that. But yeah, there was one other thing I wanted to say and I couldn’t remember no about it, but that’s okay. On how you started I just think that’s a huge adventure and that is really cool. So how do you you were saying earlier how you kind of find what lights other moms fire right? How do you find their passions? So is there something like do you have like a system on how you find the moms passions because sometimes as a stay at home mom it can be so consuming that even finding a hobby like it’s like, I don’t have one, you know, and they’re just so involved with just their kids to think about something that they enjoy themselves, let alone a passion is just doesn’t seem possible. So how are you able to find their passions?
Kathryn
So, I mean, a lot of the time, it’s, it’s going back to, okay, think about before you had kids, or even go back as far as, you know, when you’re in your in your teens or as a child, what kinds of things did you enjoy doing? I mean, I’ve always been a bookworm. I’ve always been a massive, massive bookworm. So for me, you know, books is a no brainer. But, you know, there are, there are clients that I’ve had, and they, they spent a lot of time going, you know, going camping, or hiking, or biking or those kinds of things. And it’s about sort of explained to them that, you know, just because you’re a mum, you don’t have to give up those things. I mean, obviously, you can try and do things by yourself, depending on how things fit in. But also, so many of these things you can actually incorporate the children into. So you can still do those things. But just adapt it slightly. So you might have a kid in a backpack or on the back of a bike. Yeah, and enemy, kids love camping and things like that. But it’s also about not even so much hobbies, although, obviously the hobbies, if they can get something that’s just for themselves, that’s amazing. And it will make them feel so good. But it’s things like they might, they might really want to be thinking, gee, now I really want to do something more. And I’m kind of getting a bit over being just the stay at home mom, I want to do more. And so it might be that they get the courage to go back and study, or go back to work part time or start their own business even. Yeah, and so it’s all about just I guess, asking the right questions to find out well, what interests you what things did you use to like to do? If, you know, if money or if having children wasn’t a barrier? What would you ideally want to do? What is something you you’ve always said, I would love to do X, Y, and Zed. And it’s just moving from there. So it’s really just asking those questions. And you find that actually, they’re very, they’re very quickly remember, I used to love for me, I would really love to do roller skating again. Yeah. Which, unfortunately, I have a back problem. So that’s not gonna happen. But, you know, that is something that still kind of sticks with me now, I would love to be able to ask it again. And you’ll find I think very quickly, if you ask the right questions, that something will pop into their head, I used to love doing this, or I always wanted to do this. And then you can kind of go from there. But a lot of it is about building up the self esteem and the self worth in them, that they feel that they can do that that they have. Especially when it’s things like going back to work or something like that. And if you’ve been a stay at home mom for a long time, sometimes you can kind of beat yourself up a bit and say, Oh, I’ve been a stay at home mum for for 10 years. And what do I have to offer a workplace? Well, actually, you have a lot to offer. Because so many of the things we do as mums their transferable skills, think about the organization that it takes, especially when you have more than one child. Yeah. You know, all of the things like that all the things that you do every day as a mom and don’t really think about, they are all skills that you can transfer into a workplace or a business environment. So a lot of women feel like they’ve not got anything to offer because they’ve been at home for so long. And so again, that’s where I kind of come in and just try to help them to realize exactly what they do have to offer that they have so much to offer. And once that self esteem and self worth rises, then the ideas of what they can do start firing off because they feel so much more confident that they could maybe do these things.
Lacy Reason
Yeah, with a love the idea of picking things that you love and also just having your family join you right because they’re is always going to be that blocker. Well, I love to do this. So I personally, I loved to travel before I had kids, and I always wanted to continue traveling. And but when it came to the reality of it once I had to, I was like, Okay, I’m going to need a break. But then re adjusting expectations, and having, if you can, if you can add in your family and say, Hey, we’re gonna go do a camping trip, or we’re gonna go drive somewhere or more family friendly destinations, instead of a three day hike or something. We’re gonna do that. And then it also takes away that mom guilt, right? Because now, not only are you filling your own cup, but you’re also involving your family, and then it’s putting them together will eliminate that mom guilt, because now you’re just making them amazing memories with your kids, you know, which is even better.
Kathryn
Yeah, absolutely.
Lacy Reason
With you were saying that there was subconscious blocks that you worked through earlier. What kind of subconscious blocks do you commonly find with a moms that are like holding them back?
Kathryn
Um, a big one is, I’m not good enough. That is probably one of the real biggest ones that comes up, is I’m not good enough. And like we talked about before, they have these expectations of how they should be the perfect mom, whatever the perfect mom is. Right? So that is a huge one. I’d say that. That is? Yeah, that’s the most common one, really, but like, so everyone has their own backstory. And so you know, then it might be that they feel like they’re not worthy of love. Or if they had a particularly traumatic childhood, maybe, maybe they bring things they’re bringing things forward in their subconscious. From when they experienced trauma, and it’s impacting how they are, how they interact with their kids. Yeah. So I mean, there’s so many different, different things that can come up. But yeah, definitely the, I’m not good enough. The I am not worthy of love. And that can be self love as well, like we talked about, you don’t feel like you’re worthy of or deserving of that self care. So that’s another huge one that I find with mums. But yeah, it’s lots around that home. I need to be perfect. And I’m not measuring up.
Lacy Reason
Yeah, it makes sense. Because, I mean, everyone sees on social media, or if you go to a playgroup, or homeschool Co Op, you know, it seems like everyone has the perfect children, or, you know, their eyebrows are waxed perfectly, and I haven’t had time, or you open the van door, and I have like a teddy bear rolling out or whatever. And you just feel like you’re not good enough, because you haven’t checked all those boxes. And it’s reaffirming, when you see other people, like they don’t have the stuff rolling out of the minivan, or, you know, their kids are not screaming, or they brush their hair today, right. And so, it is very easy to have that mental block of being like, I’m not good enough, because, you know, I’m not checking off all the boxes. I did I read a book about motherhood, and it was all about your either perfect mother for your children, but we all excel in certain areas, right? So one might have the pristine house, no matter how many children they have. And then others might be like the Crafty one. That’s like all about getting messy, and just doing the crafts and having a blast, right? And none of these people are all going to be perfect at all of them. Right? And so you’re comparing yourself to all of those other moms then of course, you’re never gonna feel like you’re good enough. But none of them have all of those skill sets you know, so the one that’s okay with the messy experiments in the craps and probably not going to have the pristine husks it doesn’t bother them as much, but the pristine house probably isn’t going to have
Kathryn
would have been me. Yeah. Me to.
Lacy Reason
I’m like, let’s get with the baking soda, the vinegar and the food gallery and let’s go this is fun. But then you know, the volcano, yes. It’s also fun. I love those things. But then, you know, it’s that does not mean that you’re any less or you’re not good enough. It’s just that we all have our the things that make us great moms and the perfect moms for our kids. So I think that’s smart to
Kathryn
know. Absolutely.
Lacy Reason
Yeah. Be aware Have those subconscious blocks and try to work on that? So is there anything else?
Kathryn
Like you said it’s the comparison?
Lacy Reason
Yeah. as well. Yeah. It’s so am
Kathryn
comparing yourself is with other people. It can be so toxic. Yeah. Because ultimately, yeah, they might not have the teddy bear rolling out of the van. But you don’t know. You don’t know that maybe before she even allowed the kids in the car, she might have been there with a vacuum cleaner rushing round. And the kids were screaming in the house because she was determined that the van was going to be absolutely pristine. So you don’t know. Oh, all we see is what we see. Yeah. When that builds on social media or in actual life, yeah. And yet, we can’t compare to that. Because we don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors. And what happens just an hour earlier?
Lacy Reason
Yeah. Yeah, that’s so true. Comparison is the thief of joy. I always talk to my kids. But
Kathryn
oh, yes, I like that. Yeah.
Lacy Reason
It’s easy to do. And so when you’re aware of it, it’s just always, always good to tell my kids and remind them. But is there anything else that you want to share with our audience before we close up?
Kathryn
Um, probably the main thing is, I actually run a five day free. Live challenge. Yeah. And that’s called more than a mum. And so we work on lots of the things we’ve talked about today. We work on the limiting beliefs and subconscious blocks. Mum guilt is a big one. Yeah. And people pleasing. And who is it? We’re trying to please? Is it ourselves? Or is it someone else, and just kind of that whole, just everything that makes up who we are, and how we can go from feeling overwhelmed as a mum to. Okay, I feel confident that I can do this, and I can do more for me as well. So we talked about self care, and things like that. So I, I run those challenges approximately every six weeks. And yet, they’re completely free. I know, you said you were gonna drop the link into the, into the show notes. Yeah. So yeah, just opt in, it’s free. And if you if you’ve opted in, even if you can’t make it live, obviously, you know, time zones and everything, you will have access to the replays as well. So it, yep, it’s worth, it’s worth opting in, because you can always just catch those replays, in the Facebook group or on the dashboard. Cool.
Lacy Reason
And where else can we find you?
Kathryn
So I also have a website, which is kites, angels. dotnet. And I’m also, I actually have a group on Facebook called goal driven women making changes. Okay, great. And that is, you know, as it suggests, any women who are just interested in things like, you know, motivational content, things around self esteem, self care, anxiety, perfectionism, all of those things that we talked about. I post regular content in there as well.
Lacy Reason
Awesome. Thank you so much for having our effort coming onto the show. And thank you, everyone listening. I will see you guys next week. The early motherhood guide podcast
