Are you feeling overwhelmed as a mother? Do you feel like you’re constantly juggling a million things and never have enough time for yourself? In this video, Nadine offers some tips and tricks for finding balance as a mother. We talk about how to conquer overwhelm and create more peace in your life. Watch it now!
Nadine Stille:
Mama’s Moments of Calm (free meditations for moms)
https://nadinestille.com/free-meditations-for-moms
8 Essential Moms Hacks To Make Time For Selfcare (blog):
https://nadinestille.com/article/8-essential-mom-hacks-to-make-time-for-self-care55
Positive Affirmations For Tired Moms To Feel Less Stress And More Joy (blog & printable cards):
https://www.instagram.com/nadinestille/LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/nadinestille/
Lacy Reason 00:02
Hi mamas. I am Lacy, your lactation counselor and you’re listening to the early motherhood guide podcast. Motherhood simply supported. Today I have Nadine Stille. Nadine is a recovering stressed out mama, who was constantly trying to balance today’s society expectations to be the perfect mom and ambitious career woman. She understands that allocating time and energy for themselves can be challenging. So she works with other moms one on one, and she co creates a schedule that works for them. Today with her kiddo and her hubby, she lives in Vancouver, Canada, but she’s lived all over the world. In fact, Canada is our sixth country. And she can’t get enough of the mountains and the ocean views. It sounds beautiful. When she’s not having fun or running around after her little one, you might find her taking a moment to herself with the romance novel. That sounds amazing. Hey Nadine, how are you doing today?
Nadine 01:00
I’m doing really well. Thank you so much for having me on Lacy. Yes.
Lacy Reason 01:05
Yeah, me too. So, um, you work with a lot of overcoming overwhelm with other moms. And I do too, specifically with breastfeeding. And so I wanted to go over like, what are the three steps that someone could take to overcome some overwhelm when they are dealing with early motherhood and breastfeeding and maybe a colicky baby or baby that won’t latch? Are any of those things?
Nadine 01:32
Yeah. And, you know, that’s, like you said something that I work with moms a lot with as well that it’s so easy to get overwhelmed. Like before you know it, you’re in that mindset or in that stage and like, I don’t get out of it. And you’re stressing, and you mourn like this not supposed to be this way. So there are, there are a few things that moms can do. there’s like, three that I want to go into today with you on this. It’s really normal to feel overwhelmed really early on, because also, we’re not really being prepared that way beforehand. It’s all about you know, giving birth and making it through birth. But then like, what happens after, and we’re not just talking about, it’s enough. So whoever feels overwhelmed listening to this is absolutely normal, do you’ve done nothing wrong? There are you know, and you’re listening in to get some help. So that’s a risk, you’re very resourceful in that’s, you know, even just tuning in and reaching out and seeing, you know, who can help you who who’s part of your village in that, in that sense. And one of the first steps that is sounds really simple, but sometimes isn’t as easy as it sounds, to overcome the overwhelm, is to practice self kindness. I feel that we can be our own harshest critics when something isn’t going quite right. Yeah.
Lacy Reason 03:17
Yeah, I feel Yeah.
Nadine 03:20
Yeah. Actually, I had a conversation just about that yesterday about feeling like a failure or being a failure, and what just even thinking or saying that out loud, that the impact that has, it’s just like such a move to the system, and, and that’s just not the way to go. That’s not very motivational. It’s not wanting you to get up and try better, it’s just, you know, keeps you keeps you on the floor, feeling miserable. And it’s not something that you’d say to your best friend who was, you know, who might be in a situation of overwhelm. So it’s practicing the self, kindness and self love and self care that we would show as moms to other people in our situation. And that’s, you know, it’s starts with acknowledging that you’re on a new journey. It’s something that new to learn. Even if you’ve had a child before, and you’ve been through breastfeeding, every kid is different, every experience is different. So cut yourself some slack, your new learning journey, and sometimes, you know, just getting out of bed and having a shower is a huge success for any given day, so early on early days, right? So you kind of have to like dial back a bit and just see hey, what is it that I’ve actually managed to do today? Or what is I you know, and be really, like, self compassionate with ourselves. I used to be super critical as well. It’s not like, you know, like, I’ve got it all sorted out and it’s always a work in progress. grass. But it’s that reminder of being as kind to myself as I’d be to my best friend. And one of the best ways of doing that is asking yourself in that moment when you feel like just screaming or you know, everything is just getting too much like, what’s the most loving, and kind thing that you can say to yourself? That’s a really good way of practicing self kindness. What’s the most loving thing you can tell yourself?
Lacy Reason 05:33
I love that. I feel like when I had my second, it was the most overwhelmed. I had just an extremely colicky baby that did not want to breastfeed, and I had a three year old bouncing off the walls, because all of a sudden, all the attention is going on the screaming, baby. And yeah, I would totally tell that mom being like, you’re doing great. Just go take a break. Inhale, you got this, you know, and that was not what I was telling myself.
Nadine 06:01
Exactly. What were you telling yourself? Yeah, like,
Lacy Reason 06:05
I don’t have this. This is like, this is insane. And I’m in trouble. No, yeah. I love that idea. Yeah.
Nadine 06:13
So it’s. So it’s like, counterbalancing, all those negative thoughts on I should know better, especially if the kid before, right? Or it’s like, how did I know this beforehand, it’s all that doesn’t help in that situation at all. So it’s, you know, being your own cheerleader or motivator, give yourself a hug by telling yourself something nice. And, you know, sometimes it’s saying it in your head, sometimes it really hits home, when you can write it down. When you can write down those words, and you look at it later again, when you may need it. Or saying it out loud, that’s really you know, can pack quite a punch when you when you see those words out loud. So that would be my first step to coming overwhelmed. So practicing self kindness. And the second thing around it would be to fill your cup with joy. That’s what I’m going to call this. And it’s okay to let go of things to let go of things that don’t serve you that don’t bring you joy, that aren’t really a priority. There’s so many things that we think we should be doing things we need to be going out and doing. Things we take on, because just because and it’s true, our like to do lists, they’re just ever growing. And they’re never, like, there’s never an end to it. And so it’s like, just let things go for a bit. And it’s all and that’s okay. So what if you’re in, you know, PJs all day long, or the laundry is piling up? It’s okay, if you don’t like it. But there’s also a way you can be okay with it. Okay, that’s just the way it is. That’s not what I have time for today. That’s not it’s just there. Right? And then counteracting that with, you know, filling your cup with joy. What does brighten your day, what is what makes you smile, what makes you feel at peace at ease. And tiny things around that lie every little bit that you add to that help. So sometimes it could be reaching out to a friend and saying, Hey, how are you doing? You know, just sending a text message? And really, also, maybe even asking for help. Sometimes that’s a difficult thing to do as well. Yeah. Yeah. Love.
Lacy Reason 08:56
Like, it’s so easy to be like, well, I’ll do it better. My, you know, I tried that earlier last week and being like, okay, Saturday, I’m going to like ask for help. And it was even, it’s just my husband, and you know, he’s amazing, and such a big help. But like, just the little thing of like, Hey, can you speak while the kids you know, I’m getting my son a job and I was like, but I could do this so much faster. Get it done and my way? If it was, if I just did it, right, but at the same time asking for help, obviously really does help.
Nadine 09:29
Yeah. Yeah, and then be okay with it not being 100% It’s, it’s okay. It’s not on your shoulders anymore. Right. So it’s this being intentional about what fills your cup. So for me, I know you said it earlier as an introduction for me one of those things is reading reading romance novels, because they have a happy ever after. I know people go like through some sometimes you know, bad things and then too there’s some drama but it just fills my cup, I know I need to read at least a few pages a day. And that’s my essential self care. That’s that’s just what it is even before I go to bed. And there aren’t a lot of other things that I would say is it’s a must have. But that’s what I identify for myself as needing to have just a few moments for myself. And it might be something else was for someone else. So it’s like reaching out to a friend, it might be I don’t know, what is it that that you like doings five minutes walking around outside, or,
Lacy Reason 10:37
I love that you think even just reading a few pages though, because I think something that we think of self care and like, filling up your cup needs to be like an hour, right, I need to get up an hour before my kids and read. And it’s just like, that’s not feasible when you’re at home every few or two hours up every hour, sometimes with littles and for me, it’s just having like, some calming music in the background, or like certain playlists on Spotify, you know, whether I need everyone to calm down, or if I need to, like lift up everyone’s mood. And then some essential oils, like the sense those senses bringing those alive, in me is self care. And it only takes a few seconds to like, drop a few drops of essential oil, turn on the speaker, you know, it’s the TV’s not on. It just it really helps. And so I love that even just saying just a few pages because like I love to read and for me, it’s nursing, that is something that I do when I nurse. So but even if you’re not in that nursing stage, or you’re just like, I’m touched out, and I need to have some self care, if you step aside into your, like your room have some quiet time and just read two to three pages, you know, I think that’s really helpful.
Nadine 11:50
Exactly. And it’s a great segue to actually my thoughts to overcoming the overwhelm is, which is taking baby steps. And not it again, it goes with always, if I maybe that touch of perfectionism of all when I do self care, it has to be perfect. So I’m going out, I’m planning a full afternoon with my friends in a cafe, or I’m reading this entire book, or, you know, whatever it is tiny, we’re talking tiny, maybe scattered throughout the day. And, and be okay with that and acknowledge that that is already a success, because it’s more than you had maybe the odd the day before. So if you know, like laundry stresses you out, maybe just do one pile or one load and don’t say you’ll have to get it all done today. Right? Or if you know, you want to hang out with your best friend or like crave some adult interaction, you know, maybe going outside isn’t isn’t feasible with a tiny one just then. But maybe text messages or sending voice messages or like something, just get get into it and start the ball. The ball rolling
Lacy Reason 13:09
is a good one. If you’ve ever used Marco Polo and you just want some like social interaction. It’s like sending a video text. And so it’s like you’re able to get that social interaction. But you can like get to the conversation. When you have time. You know? Yeah, yeah, like post that video text. I love that. Yeah.
Nadine 13:26
Or I need to check it out. Thank you and maybe write about it as well. Actually, there’s always like tips that people are like, what are some gadgets or some things that helped me getting organized, etc. So it’s called Marco Polo app. Yeah. Okay. Great. Thank you. That’s all Yeah, great. And so one of the other things that I wanted to mention under taking baby steps is that I actually have, so what do you mentioned earliest, like those two minutes away? It’s like, yeah, just for yourself, even like locked away in the bathroom. door door closed. And when combined, no toddlers saying, hey, Mama, I need whatever. So if you’re like looking into like, actively distressing, and maybe even like grounding yourself, for that calm, then moms can also try out my mom’s moments of calm, which are is specifically for those situations. It’s like two minutes of guided meditations for moms trying to do at all and it’s a really like convenient and great option to take those tiny steps towards getting less overwhelmed or to get, you know, coming down from that intense feeling of overwhelm for a lot more calm.
Lacy Reason 14:48
So with Mama’s calm moments, let’s go into that. So when do you recommend moms to do these meditations?
Nadine 14:59
So There’s a there are a few different different scenarios that are actually covered with it. So I’ve heard like over and over again from moms that they needed something on the go something that they can do quickly to help them like get motivated or for either motivated for the day or a challenge ahead, like getting out of the out of bed or knowing there’s I don’t know, a doctor’s appointment coming up and you just need to work yourself up. Or, like when you need to feel grounded or even when you want to, like unwind and feel calmer at the end of the day. And to practice use it as like routine ahead have a good night’s sleep. And so that’s when I created those like three seriously like pocket sized guided meditations, one of like many tools that moms can use, but there you can tune into them whenever whenever you feel like you need a pep talk or you want to de stress and feel calmer it can either have it on your headset like put it in you just literally listen to it by yourself to you know get get into it or even like you said earlier while while nursing while you’re in the bathroom while you’re prepping a meal or on a walk or school run getting ready for bed in the evening it’s really versatile you don’t you can walk for some of them you don’t have to like lay down and be totally so without any one around. I recorded them in my calmer voice so you can even have it on while baby listens in and during nursing it’s just really soothing way of like calming down and yeah it’s like you can use them I would say you like even regularly to to kind of nourish your mind once a three times a day is already like if you go doing it three times a day that’s already like that’s not necessarily baby step anymore aim for one spot on
Lacy Reason 17:07
second yeah you might need to go get it right now but we’re on row patrol cars I don’t know you know if we have oops sorry okay edit that out
Nadine 18:07
that’s all that’s all cool
Lacy Reason 18:09
ah I don’t know you yeah you know got away from me coming back what’s up Nash dinner okay I’m sorry okay can you can leave it here in case you need it Okay, sorry about that back what we’re talking about seriously drives
Nadine 19:11
you know, that learning experience and what if you know, it’s I don’t know you could even speak over it and just like oh, yeah, here we had to catch because you know, yeah, me life into the room. So back to like how to how to use the meditation. So obviously you can like just listen to yourself by having you know, your headset on or paid off the phone while there are seeing and your little one like, listens in as well. You know, in the bathroom, prepping a meal for a walk. It’s really good to get into the habit of things. So if you’re, like stacking certain activities that that might help so say every time you’re nursing your list Link to this advertisement going for a walk and you’re out the front of the door and everyone is in their strollers or you know, strapped in. It was like, Okay, great. Now, you know, he listened to two minutes of that meditations, like combine it with something else to make it easy to get into the, to get into the habit.
Lacy Reason 20:17
I love laying down. And I meditation at the end of the day, just clears my mind and helps me like calm down. But I think having that somewhere in the middle of the day, and like, I love that idea of like, Okay, while we’re going on a walk, like doing it with something else, the idea of doing it, having time, like setting aside time saying, like, I’m gonna meditate at this time by myself, isn’t always feasible for moms.
Nadine 20:45
Exactly.
Lacy Reason 20:46
There’s always interruptions, right?
Nadine 20:49
Yeah, there’s always like, you know, it’s flexible, as well. And I would see it more as a, don’t let it like using them as a tool to nurture your calm mind throughout the day. So it can see it’s not as easy easily to escalate to a full on, like, overwhelmed situation, and you’re learning through it as well. And I mean, even before we started recording, we were talking about calming ourselves, because that has an impact, you know, on on Baby baby nursing. And so while you’re listening to this, like there’s and say, your nursing or your together, you like visibly calm down as one of those meditations actually breathing exercise that I learned in my or learned about in my prenatal course that I took. And I still do it now. And I did it while I was nursing or my you know, my little one was, you know, up in the middle of the night and just like, wouldn’t come down, I would have them on me carry them around. And I would do those breathing exercises of deep breathing. And just like the feel of it really helped off. You know, like, obviously, my chest was rising and falling when I was deep breathing. And that had an impact on on another one as well. So it’s really, really versatile. And the quick, easy access to what was important,
Lacy Reason 22:11
and that babies do feel that energy, you know, so after you are like, stressed out and feeling like insane, and like, you know, it really affects them. So they’ll get stressed out and like, who’s in mood to eat at that point when everyone’s sometimes when I’m nursing, and I noticed like, it’s not, milk is not flowing, or this is not a good situation. Everyone’s overwhelmed. And I just take like a deep cleansing breath. And just inhale and exhale. And it just is a game changer. Right?
Nadine 22:45
It’s so easy to do as well, you can do it while lying down while sitting while looking people in the eye. And yeah, it does help. Yeah,
Lacy Reason 22:56
it really does. And so what would be like one thing like to have, you want a mama to, like implement today to like help with the overwhelm, like essential, something that they can do to walk away with today?
Nadine 23:13
Um, you know, it’s the one thing I would say is to intervene early with self kindness. And then, and then that compassion Sorry, I was like, we’re worried. So my one tip is to intervene really early with self, kindness and compassion. Because when you’re like, at that overwhelmed stage is difficult sometimes to, like, go from 180 straight back down to zero. But when you’re constantly, you know, it’s like doing something around it, or you’re you’re mitigating. So it doesn’t go to that escalation stage, you’re getting it early on, and you’re doing something to not let it escalate. That is a sure way to not not go there. So one thing around it is first of all, like notice, when that is coming up, like what does it feel like in your body? When How do you know when you’re really overwhelmed? What does it feel like in your body? What are you doing or not doing anymore? What are you seeing or not seeing? Right? How would someone else know that you’re stressed? What are those signs? And then cats, and that’s it takes a tiny bit of training, but that’s something that is easy to do is like, Oh, hang on, something isn’t quite right here. Okay? Then take that cleansing breath, or maybe step out of the rooms like physically going away from where you are taking yourself away from the situation that you’re sitting in. So if I’m sitting here on my chair talking with you now and I’m going it’s like I don’t have an answer. To the question you just asked, did, I could just like get up, or go to a different room, go to the bathroom, whatever, well, not with the recording this but you know, it physically removed myself from that situation. But I can’t make any of those decisions of maybe setting boundaries or talking with someone or asking for help. It’s really difficult when your mind is in overdrive escalation overwhelmed stage. So you need to get yourself to a level where you can actually make those decisions of what’s best. What’s that next step, and the best way of getting there. It’s by being kind to yourself and saying those things on what’s the nicest thing you can say to yourself? Is there maybe an affirmation that really resonates with you for me right now. Because it has changed over time, but it’s one that’s called I can, and I will. That’s just, I know that that helps me I have with that on, like, on tough days, like I can, I can do this, and I will do it. For others, it might be something else, but it’s feeding yourself that kindness, you can do it. And then everything will sort itself out. And you can ask for help, you can contact you for some advice. You can ask someone else for help in in a different area, you can set boundaries and say no, I’m not having this today, you know, whatever it is. But that’s, that would be my one snaps, like, let’s see where, you know, it could go into an overdrives type of for overwhelm situation and do something early on.
Lacy Reason 26:53
Yeah. I love that. I think I love having post it notes everywhere as reminders. And so maybe just like, I need a post it note where in the typical spot that you’re feeling overwhelmed, like if you’re feeling overwhelmed, in the kitchen, when you have kids just asking for everything, you know, imposing on having that kind, saying there to remind you. Maybe it’s in the nursing chair, you know where you are, and it’s okay, set the baby down and just go take a break, right? You have that reset, it’s okay to set the baby down even though they’re upset. Yeah, no one’s gonna help each other out when you’re exactly.
Nadine 27:32
Exactly, yeah, when you know, you’re yourself. Or I just know when I’m upset and stressed out. It never ever helps my little one to de stress never. What helps them de stress is when I’m calm.
Lacy Reason 27:50
Right, like yelling at someone saying that they need to calm down, right?
Nadine 27:54
Like, it doesn’t work exactly why we were actually talking about this. Also, on my website, I have a I have a blog with positive affirmations. And a document that you can like download and print affirmation cards with that honor as well. So if someone is stuck, like, I don’t actually know how this works, or what do I actually say to myself, there’s some inspiration there as well.
Lacy Reason 28:26
Yeah, it’s even better than post it notes.
Nadine 28:29
Okay, you know, I know, when I was prepping for my birth, I worked a lot with affirmation cards and had them printed out and I was just going through them one by one. And it really, really helped.
Lacy Reason 28:42
They’re so powerful.
Nadine 28:45
Like, I was a bit skeptical before I really went into it, but it’s like, ah, the power this and just like the meditations, positive affirmations? Are there a tool that it might, you know, for one that to some, it might work better than for others, but it’s something to try out, it’s different tool to help. And in that article that I’ve written or that blog, there’s actually links to resources and like the resources links to like, the science behind it and how it works and why and so yeah, like, have that on? Yeah, and
Lacy Reason 29:23
in the show notes, too. Oh, cool. I’ll
Nadine 29:25
send you the link. And yeah.
Lacy Reason 29:28
So a lot of moms, you know, they go back to work and it is so much pressure to like feel like you’re doing it all right. And so how do those moms find the balance and be able to get it all done?
Nadine 29:42
Yeah. So like before, before I like get into those tips because I have a few. I just want to say it’s like get it all done. That you all is probably like never like I hear it all the time. I even have that on my website. But, but it’s like, it’s this. It’s just never ending that. All right? It’s like when we’re working through our list, there’s 100,000 Other things that we want to like, do and put on. So it’s important to see like, what actually needs to be done. One, is it an absolute need and in necessity, and what is the good to have? And also, what is a you know, if it doesn’t get done, then nothing bad will actually happen type of thing. So it’s important to see, have a quick look at what that all is that needs to be done. Who says that it has to be done? And who sets those deadlines? Right. So there’s always like, just to kind of take the pressure off a bit and start letting go, maybe drop a few balls. See what happens right
Lacy Reason 31:01
now. Order in, like, if you think dinner is a necessity, which it is at the same time, you can write?
Nadine 31:10
exactly does it have to be like, freshly prepped and super healthy seven days a week? Right? Right. So trying to get it all done. So and finding a bit of balance. So one thing, again, is be really intentional about how you fill your cup. And those things, like, know what those things are that fill your cup where you want to bring a bit of joy in and actually put it on the to do list. Like actually put it on how many people have on that to do list, let’s have some fun. Or let’s have a family afternoon or and it’s actually in your calendar, if you work with calendars or in your planner, it’s just not there. So put the joy on the list or in the calendar. And be Yeah, just be clear about it. It’s it’s a priority. Right? It’s one of the things that have to happen. Because if they don’t happen, then what you know, like what’s the cost of not having it. So put it on the list. And
Lacy Reason 32:17
I’m a big list person. So I get that. Great.
Nadine 32:22
Yeah, and it doesn’t have to be something big. It could also be, hey, at least three times this week, I’m actually going to have an app when baby is having an app or taking baby steps once this week, I will also have an app when baby is napping, right? And then work your way up. But then that satisfaction of just crossing it out on a piece of paper of having it done. Oh, that is that’s already satisfying. Right? Yeah,
Lacy Reason 32:54
I don’t think crossing like checking.
Nadine 32:57
Exactly, I’m with you. I’m with you. So the second step of finding a bit of balance is also making sure you’re kind of using being kind of really smart, and again, intentional, how you use your time and with what and stacking different activities. So if you think, oh gosh, I haven’t seen my mom or my sister or my best friend in a long time. But also the kids are really like running around the house. And they’re like F or, you know, you just need a bit of fresh air, it’s like, stick it all together, have your best friend to come and show and show up and have a walk together all of you, you know, in there, or if you think you want to, I don’t know, maybe have some regular adult time and not listen to kids songs and cartoons but you know, nurture your own minds a bit more and prep a meal. Then like put on your headset and listen to a podcast or to an audiobook while you’re making your favorite cake or dessert or something like that. So it’s like, again, being intentional. How can you save time, you don’t need to sit down on the sofa and read a book back to France that’s just not manageable. And the best of times is like how can you make it? How can you make it work and stacking? Yeah, stacking things. And and the third point of bringing a bit of balance in is something that you’ve mentioned earlier, already, which is delegating. And I want to say that I know a home we’re all part of Team family. So we’re all playing a team player role. And that includes our little one was a toddler right now, but they can also help set the table or sweep or put the boots in the right place in the house. It doesn’t have to be me Even though you know, they might make a bit more dirt in between, but then hey, that’s a learning experience, and they get to learn to clean that up, too. So it’s this letting go off perfectionism, while delegating and being okay with whatever is the outcome. And, and yeah, involving everyone in it and we’re in this together, it’s not small enough to have to do it all. It’s like, hey, you know, you’re doing the dishes, you’re doing this. And yeah, if I tomorrow have to look when you put my favorite cup, and it’s not in its usual spot, hey, well, I’ll find it. You know, and it’s like, hey, next time, you know, put it there or whatever. And it’s, yeah, it’s going to be okay. But delegating and involving everyone is a big thing. There’s lots of other things. I’ve also, like what I’m strapped for today is like, Oh, I think I’ve like written something about it as well. So there’s a blog called eight essential mom hacks to make time for self care on my website, as well, that has a few more tips. Also on how to ask for delegations like how to approach it. But yeah, those would be my three steps. Like being intentional with joy, put it on the list. The second one would be stalking activities and then delegating.
Lacy Reason 36:29
I loved what you sent to about your family as a team, you know, because like, we also call our family, a team, and my husband and me, like, hey, the team’s over here. Like, I think it’s easier for other people, especially the kids to want to get involved. If it’s like a team effort, you know, it’s not like, this is your job, you need to sweep you need to do seeds. It’s like,
Nadine 36:52
would we like this? As long as if we were told that you need to do this? No.
Lacy Reason 36:57
It’s a team effort. Yeah. Yeah.
Nadine 36:59
And we’re intentional also on them saying, hey, this was a great team. This was great teamwork, high fives and you know, going around that route feels kind of, right. It’s a bit goofy for parents, but it’s, it helps getting it done. Yeah, yeah. Prove that you’re doing that, too.
Lacy Reason 37:18
Oh, yeah, I know, I was like, such a coincidence, right. And then we were talking a bit a little bit before about mom guilt. So if you are letting some things go, or you’re delegating, or like even just getting, having delegating, sometimes we feel like the responsibility is all on us. Right? And so getting over that mom guilt, so how do we get over it? And when we are taking care of other responsibilities, or we’re having other people take care of those responsibilities, because essentially, if I am doing something it’s going to take away from something else, you know, and so I can’t be your I can’t do it. All right. And so if I’m focusing on I know, a lot of moms, where they have multiple kids, it’s the guilt of like, I’m taking care of my newborn, it’s taken away from my toddler, you know, so how, how do you get over the guilt? When it comes to that? Yeah.
Nadine 38:16
Well, it’s probably going to be a totally different podcast topic. But mom guilt and it’s just gets me it’s, it’s so real. And it’s an awful feeling. But, you know, where’s that guilt? Has anyone heard about that? Guilt? Right, yeah, come on. It’s like there’s all these expectations from like society, it’s like, you need to be this perfect mom, you need to have everything under control, it needs to be a certain way, you need to be the perfect career or business woman and not have a private life. And then you need to be perfect mom, who doesn’t have a career because you’re dedicated 100% to this and they’re never like, you never hear that. By, you know, from anyone having drilled that it’s so real. And it’s, it’s dark, and I want to say you like naughty feeling, it’s this. And it shows up in the situations that you said and like, a lot, and a lot of, you know other ways too, and it, it really thrives. That type of feeling really thrives in situ in like dark situations when you know you don’t leave it like if you leave it untouched in your mind and it’s just in there and you know, your negative thoughts are really like feeding on it. And he was like, I should do this and what about this and I’m an awful mom and did it and it’s just I just that drives me nuts, obviously. You can hear so there’s a few good ways of dealing with that feeling of guilt. One is to say the quickest is to acknowledge it, tell her to go away, say something nice to yourself Self, you know. And then and then shine more more lights on it. So acknowledging it could be a simple thing of actually saying out loud, or at least in your heads, like, hi, hi, hi mom, girls, they are again, I don’t have time for you today just go away since like, you know, shake it off. I know people who actually do this or just like feel they have, like the devil on their shoulders, like it’s mom guilt and just like, just brush it off do that. And that’s helped, that helps them. So it’s like, I don’t have time for you today, I don’t really have that that much time, those that much energy, and I’m not going to spend it on mom guilts like, not just go away. And then it’s like, Hey, I’ve got this, I’m going, this is going to be okay. Right. It’s like saying something nice to yourself. And another way of shining light on those feelings is by actually talking about it, you can talk about with your, you know, maybe with your sisters, your mom, your partner, and maybe a coach or your you know, you’re yourself and sometimes you can even say to your kids, Hey, Mom is feeling that mom guilt again, or feeling really awful about not being able to play with you right now. But I will have some dedicated mom and toddler time this afternoon, and it’s just going to be you and me. And there’s not going to be any interruptions. We’re spending some quality time together later. Right now I feel a bit bad about it. But we’re, you know, it’s going to be okay. That’s going to be okay.
Lacy Reason 41:42
Like communicating to the kids to you know,
Nadine 41:45
yeah, acknowledging those feelings, because they will have, you know, like, I hear you. I know, you’re frustrated. I can’t be with you right now. I’m here now. And I will. I will be with you later. And we’ll have some dedicated time. Just you and me. Even. Yeah, yeah, I think another important point to find out, it’s like not blaming the baby, it’s like, I need to feed the baby now, well, then we’ll just remove the baby. And then, you know, you can read with me. Or so it’s like not, it’s not blaming the babies, like, I’m, I’m right here. I can’t come right now. But I’ll be with you later on. And then we’ll have lots of time around it. And. And it’s like that acknowledging out loud those feelings. And I think you’ll find when you talk with other moms around it, every single one of them is dealing with it in some form or shape, sometimes more, you know, deeply and passionately than others. And like, maybe they have learned to just brush it off and say you don’t have time for you right now. Yeah, and I think on a maybe on a practical level. So those dedicated taller times, or kids play times one on one could make a difference as well as you’d be getting them involved in. I know, it might not always be nursing, but it might be nappy changes or feeding time. And then it’s not done to you to make it happen. But maybe get the older kids involved and say hey, do you want to try and feed your your, your baby brother or baby sister? Or, you know, do you want to try changing a diaper? It’s gonna be interesting. It’s probably nothing I would 100% delegate.
Lacy Reason 43:35
It’d be nice weekend. Even just grabbing a diaper, can you just go get me a diaper?
Nadine 43:40
Yeah. And then, you know, praising around it as well as like, yeah, we’re that teamwork again. You know, we’re doing this together and seeing seeing how that works. So yeah, that those would be my, my tips around that.
Lacy Reason 43:55
I love that. So before we end, we’ll talk about more a little bit more about the mamas calm moments. So these are short meditations that you can use you said throughout the day, right? How often did you say to us those
Nadine 44:11
seven baby steps, try one. Try one if you you can do the same one several times over. If another or just use it as this one of the three that you could use before like nap or bedtime as well. Just really, like calm down and bring your mind to peace.
Lacy Reason 44:34
Yeah. All right. And where do we find you online?
Nadine 44:40
So online, so there’s my website, that instantly.com It’s I think it’s probably best if you will just look it up on your show notes. So if not, then I’m not a shill on LinkedIn and on Instagram as well. Okay. And yeah, I’d love to connect us reach out. Follow me. Yes.
Lacy Reason 45:04
Awesome. Well, thank you so much for having this conversation and helping other moms get over the overwhelm because we’ve all gone through it. Daily.
Nadine 45:16
Exactly. Exactly. You know, and you’ve got this.
Lacy Reason 45:20
Yes. Right. So keep telling yourself. You got this mama. Right.
Nadine 45:24
You’ve got Yeah, exactly.
Lacy Reason 45:26
Thank you. Well, thank you. And thank you guys so much for joining us and I will see you next week on the early motherhood guide podcast.
